A “First” I’d Rather Forget.

Saturday was my first day riding solo with two children. In addition to this we were having a dishwasher fitted (my life is changed for the better) and the house was a dust ball, covered in kitchen equipment, tools etc so I got us all dressed and we went to the local soft play for a few hours.

There are two things I will remember from this day:

  1. Once again my Mum is a complete legend and came to my house to help me clean up the mess, post dishwasher fitting. Thanks to Little Miss S not wanting to be put down, she ended up pretty much doing it on her own. I’m forever thankful for her help and awesome cleaning skills.
  2. An incident in soft play which, even in the afternoon, is haunting me.
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Let me set the scene, I’m not one of those parents that sends their child into soft play then proceeds to ignore them. I like to keep an eye on where he is and what he’s doing. I had just finished feeding his sister when I looked up and saw him playing with those huge balls with another boy, slightly older. Next thing I know, the boy is pushing my son and then puts his hand on his neck! My poor boys innocent little face as he looked very upset and shouted

“No! My mummy says to say No! It’s not nice!”

…is the thing that has been haunting me all day.

I immediately entered the soft play, newborn baby sister in arms, and, as I popped my head up to where they were, the older boy was about to kick my son. I shouted

“Oi, DO NOT kick my son!”

The boy ran off and I told my son to come with me.

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My son and I had a chat afterwards. Little L is a stickler for the rules. He is caring and kind. He didn’t understand why someone wouldn’t be that way and I had to explain that some people can be unkind or nasty to others. It made me sad that his world was suddenly a little less perfect because of this one child. I praised him for saying No and attempting to stick up for himself but, if someone didn’t listen in future, he should just walk away from them and go and play on something else.

My son has had his first experience of being bullied and his facial expression as this happened to him is something that I will never forget, as much as id like to. It makes me want to cry just thinking about it. I wasn’t sure whether to speak to the boys parents but, even though I know how I would react if someone told me my son had behaved in such a horrible manner, I didn’t know how they would and I wasn’t willing to possibly get into an altercation with another parent. At 16 days post partum, there was a chance I would just burst into tears on them!

It makes my heart burst with pride that our son is growing up to be such a loving little boy. However this incident today has made me think about the fact that he will be starting school full time in September and it is possible that he may experience more situations such as today. As much as I was to wrap him up and protect him, I can’t always do that so I will just have to keep encouraging him to be kind and friendly to others…and stay away from those children who aren’t brought up like that.

The whole situation did bring up an interesting topic around the dinner table the following day – what do you teach your child about fighting/sticking up for themselves? My mum always said

“Never start a fight but if someone hits you, hit them back.”

Luckily I never got into a position where I needed to use this advice but what if my son does? The thought makes me sick. My husband agrees with fighting back and while I don’t want my kids to not stick up for themselves but I also hate the thought of the alternative. I guess Im hoping that my children will keep their heads down at school and stay away or not side with those they need to, like I did.

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I found this image here and really liked it. If we can all bring our children up to show the values around the outside, it would make the world a better place (like good ol’ MJ said)

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this! Have you seen your child be bullied? Did you say anything? Would you have spoken to the parents? Do you have older children at school? What advice do you give them? Comment below or find me on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Pinterest – don’t forget to click like/follow! 🙂

21 comments

  1. I’ve no children but WOW, so glad you are teaching your son manners and how to be a companionate human being, and teaching right from wrong. Since I have no children I’m not sure what I would have done in this situation. But glad you son was not hurt.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you for your kind words. As a teacher, I’d seen how I don’t want my children to turn out and also taught some gorgeous children. One of the reasons they are so lovely is because of their kindness and manners so it’s very important for me. I’ll have a look at your blog ☺️ thanks for commenting xxx

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I remember that feeling of having to let our daughter stand up for herself. It pretty much started the day she told me about how she was ignored in the playground at school. It was in Reception and I felt helpless in so many ways. However, she’s now 8 and has learnt to stand up for herself much more, I’m glad to say. As for hitting back, I err towards this I have to say… #bloggerclubuk

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I would’ve had that confrontation. The tears might’ve worked for you. I wish this hadn’t happened although it’s inevitable. He did the right thing in standing up for himself, I hope he goes on to do so in the future. #kcacols

    Liked by 1 person

  4. This made me feel so sad, I’m sorry you had to witness it. I wish I’d been there alongside you for moral support and I would have had serious words with that child’s parents. Unfortunately, you are right, there are many nasty people in this world but the world is a better place for having people like your son in it who are gentle and kind.

    #KCACOLS

    Liked by 1 person

  5. such a tough situation and so hard to know what to tell them. My daughter has never been shy and is not afraid to stick up for herself. Anybody that messes with her is going to regret it, which I love, but I also need her to know that not every situation calls for the same response. Its so hard, isn’t it?#KCACOLS

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Oh how awful. It’s so hard to know how best to handle these things. My OH is all for hitting back, but I’m more of a walk away and ignore those that are rude and horrible. I have to say if anyone did similar to my son I think I would have been less restrained and said more than a few words to his parents, but I can understand why you didn’t #KCACOLS

    Liked by 1 person

  7. This is interesting, as if that was my son doing the bullying, I would have liked to be told about it. I am having a few problems with my 7 year old. He may have ASD and he finds social situations tricky and finds it hard to express himself and will sometime lash out at others. But if the other parent has just informed me, I would have had a word with my son and made him apologise. But then again, it does depend on the parent, as I have come across a few who have kids like that, but in their eyes they can do nothing wrong and will always defend their child’s actions no matter what. #KCACOLS

    Liked by 1 person

  8. What an awful story and so horrible that your lovely son had to go through that. My son is a teenager and stands up for himself in necessary, but I know we’ll have it all again with our daughter.
    Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next time 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  9. How horrible! It’s one of those scenarios we all dread as parents, isn’t it? You should be proud of your son – the one thing you can influence in a world we can’t control. Although Kara would happily fight back, neither of our boys is a fighter. It’s such a difficult one – I wouldn’t want them to resort to fighting back unless they had to, but at the same time I wouldn’t want them to be defenceless. #KCACOLS

    Liked by 1 person

    • Aw I’m so proud of how kind he is ☺️ I hate the thought of him not trying to defend himself but don’t like the idea of him fighting either! I hope that when he gets older he’ll manage to get a balance between the social groups and stay out of trouble like I did. Thanks for commenting! Xx

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  10. Oh bless him, I just loved how he has so clearly listened to what you’ve told him, shouting ‘my mummy said to say no’. It’s so horrible, knowing that you can’t always be there to protect them. We’ve had a lot of discussions in our family in the last year about whether our son should hit back if he’s bullied, I wrote a whole blog post about it actually, and it was interesting, most people who said not to hit back had never been directly bullied themselves, but almost all the people who had been bullied at some point said they would teach their children to hit back if they needed to. I just hope it never really comes to that with my children. x #KCACOLS

    Liked by 1 person

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